Tonight was the first night in weeks that I've chanted. I don't feel guilty about it, since chanting and Buddhism are tools I use to reboot my brain. I'm benefitting from the practice, but only slightly, which is to say I have need for some general system maintenance. Lately, I've been focused on family and running. My recent dedication to a runstreak has given me some much needed discipline, by removing the excuses and giving me a single path: forward.
I realized something from this approach, though perhaps not directy. Meghan recently received a record player from her mother, a cool looking thing. It is designed to look like an antique radio, though on the inside, it has a 33 speed phonograph, cassette player, and built-in radio. With no real dedicate place for it, my butsudan -- the alter I made to hold my Dai-Gohonzon -- was bumped over to the right so they should share space on the chef's rack in the dining room. When chanting tonight, it made me feel distinctly unbalaned.
Unbalanced, like my training, like my life. I need some more time to process this new tack. I know how to fix the unbalanced feeling when I chant -- find a new home for either my butsudan or Meghan's record player. I've got some ideas on how to bring balance back to everything else I do, but it'll be a challenge in time management. Discipline may be the key factor in moving forward. We shall see.